No further comment.

Really, the only way you can get me to drink Nescafé is when you spike it with mystery drugs.

In a subtle twist on a long tradition at Jones Soda, they’re now releasing a Tofurky & Gravy flavor!
That’s the good news.

The bad news is that it’s made with Splenda™ instead of proper sugar. So, just in time for Armistice Day, welcome to the Western Front of soda pop – where we simultaneously move one inch forward and one inch back again.

Order yours today.

:-/

In a case of either intimidation, incompetence, or ignorance of law: Hansen’s/Monster Energy Drinks has sent (via its crack, outsourced legal team) some nasty messages to a fellow drink reviewer. Read here or here for background. Let’s hope the PR people at Monster shorten the leash of their little sub-contracted paralegals.

Meanwhile, maybe now’s a good time to begin ignoring Hansen’s products.

Wait. I was already doing that.

PS: Give me a break. Srsly.

USS LJ

Everything below this mark was imported from livejournal. Many comments did not survive the boat ride over. And be warned: broken links/pics/hearts abound thar beyond these lines.

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I’ve tried and failed to find a efficient way of pooling and channeling Western donations to small Georgian charities and NGOs. The problem is that Paypal (the least expensive option, if not the lesser of the available evils) doesn’t operate in Georgia; bank transfers are expensive and impractical; Western Union is a pain in the ass and ill-suited besides; etc.

So I have an alternative suggestion – and one especially apt for this LJ: Drink Georgian wines. Admittedly, it’s not as helpful as providing peanut butter to IDPs, but one can hope the funds from your wine purchases will ultimately trickle into the somewhat demolished, post-war Georgian economy. Anyway, I don’t have a better idea. Though maybe this guy is on to something. Not this guy.

—

There are, also, some perfectly good apolitical reasons to buy Georgian wine.

Archeological finds have it that Georgia (specifically the area around Shulaveri) is the place where wine was invented. So maybe that’s enough reason for you to try a more recent vintage from the same area? Historical reenactment.

Also, if you’re asking me, a nice dry Georgian red is practically the Platonic ideal of what wine should taste like: smooth, grapey, and incomplex. At the upper end of the dry scale is Mukuzani – my personal favorite. But wouldn’t overlook a regular Saperavi either. Two of the best reds in the world, all favoritism aside. You should try them for no other reason than I’ve been recommending them for years.

Georgia also produces a huge quantity of sweet/semi-sweet reds and various whites, but I know fuckall about those. Sorry.

—

Mainland Europeans should have little trouble ordering Georgian wines via specialty stores or whichever official state organ monopolizes alcohol distribution. A certain Pernod-Ricard owns the company Georgian Wines & Spirits (and its brands ‘Old Tbilisi’ and ‘Tamada’). Their products are widely available, but I don’t particularly recommend them. More helpful to the local economy would be buying from Telavi Wine Cellar or Teliani Valley. Those are fairly easy to find, too.

In the UK, it seems some good resources have been collected here.

In the Americas, one can locate any urban concentration of Russians and hope that the inevitable ‘Evropean Market’ that serves them carries Georgian foodstuffs/spirits. It’s common for those places to stock goods from all over the ol’ Bloc.

Alternately (and I promise – it hurts me to say this) try visiting Whole Foods in the US & Canada. Word has it that the chain is carrying a variety of Georgian wines now. Check the shelves – or just ask.

The punkest thing to do, of course, is front a few dollars to the US Postal Service and mailorder your wine. I’ve found a good-looking outlet for Georgian products: These people offer Mukuzani, Saperavi, Khvanchkara (semi-sweet), Khvanchkara in a terra-cotta bottle, and Kindzmarauli (another semi-sweet). All at seemingly reasonable prices.

So – if you must – give to the Red Cross, etc. etc. Sure. But be sure to go tipsy after having enjoyed a nice glass of Georgian wine! You’ll be helping some people out – and if you have any taste at all, you’ll probably enjoy the stuff. Thank you.

I only just now discovered that Robert Mondavi died. 94!

I know a funny story about Mr. Mondavi, but I heard it from an inveterate liar – so I shouldn’t repeat it.

This online diary will be respecting the much-touted, ill-organized ‘work stoppage‘, not for a mere day – but for the next several. Think of this as my vacation notice, with my [eventual] resignation nevertheless pending.

These ZIPS are good! Little chiclets with sodium bicarbonate mixed in. Fun guys!

proper mauby ingredients!

As you can see, my bag is nearly as large as this early model Yaris.

But the car only has three functioning casters, and my suitcase has four.
Though they both operate by way of string [plus] pulling.

I was really nagged by the creeping sameness during my recent trip to Atlantic Canada. I’ve seen the problem growing for years, and in every other region, but I assumed that this relatively unpopulated and isolated ‘corner’ of North America would somehow remain commercially pristine – and I was wrong. Even remote Cape Breton is suffering under the so-called “Walmart Effect”, and you can see this fact reflected on the store shelves there.

Broader distribution of national brands seems to disappear (v.) the smaller, local products. Duh, right? I don’t know exactly what has changed in grocery store shelving policy, but there is definitely a sense that the sheer variety of items available to the shopper has shrunk over the last several decades. Partially because regional products have slowly been bought-up by larger conglomerates, and partially because the remainder of the locals are bullied out of the market. I’m sure that the formula is more complicated than this; I’m not a consumer economist. I certainly don’t claim to understand the ebb and flow of consumer preferences. All I know is, when I go to the supermarket in some new city, I see exactly the same crap that I can get at home… and that didn’t used to be the case.

There is no sense of adventure when shopping for food (OR DRINKS) in North America, unless you go to the specialty or ‘ethnic’ markets – and maybe not even then. For reference I cite this classic Modern Lovers song (©1978) which immediately trumpets the jubilance of a totally novel shopping experience in an unfamiliar region. Richman’s enviable circumstance seems unthinkable in the North America of today:

“Rockin’ Shopping Center”

Now, compare what I just described to the current state of grocery affairs in the Former Soviet States. Places where, once, shelf diversity was unimaginable due to trade regulation and embargoes – you now have markets that stock items from around the world. How can it be that Supermarket “Gold” in BFE Batumi, Adjara has more variety than the average grocery in ‘χ’ American city?

This change follows almost the same timeline, inversely: since the late 1980s, the denizens of Bloc countries got more interesting food, while people in North America got less. Twenty years ago it would have been nutty to propose that the theme of the popular Sewer Trout song (©1988) would be turned on its head. Now it makes for quaint, and nostalgic listening:

“Holiday in Romania”

All that said, the third McDonald’s is scheduled to be installed in Tbilisi, and – I am told – that discussions over where to put a Starbucks have already commenced. To some extent these accommodations are for ex-pats and tourists (both of which should stay the fuck home since they obviously don’t understand how to live abroad). Slowly, however, Georgians will also develop a taste for this bland garbage… and that, my friends, is a different tirade for a different LJ.

*sigh*

For those who don’t care about supermarket politics, here is a very weird and creepy late-night phonecall to WFMU about … well … … Galliano. In a way. You’ll just have to listen for yourself.

I ♥ Tom Dickson.

#2: When I’m not trying to force my decrepit Mac OS 9 to use BitTorrent by manipulating it via freaking Python, I’m looking at this website: Delicious Sparkling Temperance Drinks. The owner, Matt Bergstrom has a MAP of the WORLD, geographically placing all the drinks he’s drunk. The site also contains a heartfelt tribute to beverages past (with photos!) and the most aggressive root beer analysis I’ve seen in a while. Go there!

#3: EXPURGATED

FYI: I was squarely in the “coke” category as a child, but eventually grew out of it.
Especially since I never drank Coke – the actual product.

Typically, New Mexico is out on its own planet.