Cachaça is not rum. Ok – sure. Except that it is. Rhum agricole. But from Brazil.

So even though these two are the same liquor, I’m unable to contrast them just now… except to say that only one is worth drinking in any quantity.

Ah. Ethos. The bestest jokey beverage of the ’00s – and certainly the original (only?) prank bottled water. There are a million novelty soda pops out there, but it’s a genuine challenge to squeeze a viciously cruel ironic jest from a mere water bottle. And Ethos keeps at it. For a decade now! Bravo.

Sad but true: at this point I recall the price more clearly than the flavor.
Ah, but if this were the only such case in my life – I’d be pleased as punch. Sigh. If only!

Anyway. Here’s a song.

So… I have no explanation for this. How some Azeri pomegranate juice came to (mis)appropriate circa-1990s hiphop terminology, I just cannot say.

Nevermind the romantic metaphorical use of ‘golden’ to describe what is almost invariably a red fruit. “Bling Bling – Not from concentrate“. It haunts me!

Welcome to my new series ‘From the Vault‘ – brought to you by my fine friends at Public Storage^® and Visa Inc. I’ll be going up and rescuing all neglected beverages out of the deep freeze and putting them on here. Because there’s just nowhere else to put them. Enjoy! Or don’t.

The only respectable recipe for a “low calorie” drink: simply subtract sugar, add _______.

Cf.

So… there was this Eska Water ad blitz in Canada last summer. Who would know, right? True enough. Anyway – I convinced a couple people to stop stocking the stuff. Uninteresting story.

But ^^^that absurd, insulting imagery distracted from the central plot point of the whole campaign – which was that the ‘purity’ of this sacred native water was being threatened by Joe Whiteguy (“Julien”, see here) mixing his orange juice into it. Okay now – WHO CUTS THEIR OJ WITH WATER?! Old ladies?! I’ve never heard of orange juice being so strong that it was necessary to water it down. Comically weak premise.

I bring this up not only because I like to remind companies that stupid ad campaigns are rarely (and should not be) forgotten, but because of this brutal irony: MANY native regions in Canada have unsafe drinking water. It’s a perennial problem. The reason? Perhaps because Eska Co. has lured away all the ancient Eskan warrior spirit-guards to work these regrettable TV commercials.

Informative interview with activist/commentator Clifton Nicholas (of Kanesatake) on this topic here:

Spotted on a store shelf today. Just tasteless.

If you think the passage of time makes this any more acceptable, you’re effed. How about American Airlines Flight 587 Beer? Hurricane Katrina Beer? Space Shuttle Columbia Beer? Haitian Cholera Outbreak Beer? Comayagua Prison Fire Beer? Chernobyl Beer? Where to draw the line? Let’s not be shy!

Human tragedy provides an endless list of disrespectful naming suggestions for your commemorative beverage!

[a. F. décanter, ad. med.L. dēcanthāre (alchemy), f. dē- down + canthus the angular beak or ‘lip’ of a cup or jug, a transferred use of Gr. κάνθος corner of the eye.]

“Decanter – a Bottle made of clear Flint-Glass for the holding of Wine, etc. to be pour’d off into a Drinking-Glass.” – [1715]

No idea who ‘Bruce Cost’ is supposed to be; is this a designer soda? Anyway, it’s decent, sure. Bottled in Brooklyn, goes well with a(n imported) bialy, people love this stuff – I’ve seen the emptied shelves. Even the shillabers over at fulldisclosure.com are into it.

But the label.       Why this lame, ’80s punk zine, sloppy typewriter font? WHY?
I’ve seen other sodas use it, but they’re hippies. No one expects them to understand design.

C’mon Mr. Cost – whoever you are. Fix it!

According to the press, today (the second Thursday in February) has been declared the first annual International Day of International Days.

Orrr Winter Saperavi Day. Opting for the latter, I find I’m not at all prepared for this new holiday: being undersupplied in both Saperavi, and day – but sitting on somewhat of a surplus of winter.

A typically untimely follow-up to this post – on that occasion we not only tried the «Nar», we not only tried the «Sourcherry», but we mixed the «Nar» and the «Sourcherry». Those were the days, my friend! When we still knew how to live!

Oatly. It’s oat milk – made from oats. Called Oatly!

It’s sorta preposterous the lengths I will go to, favors I will call in, international customs regulations I will break, etc. just to maintain the scantiest sense of personal tradition. Surely someone qualified could draw some sort of insightful conclusions from this.

But while we wait: have a SPRUCE BEER FLOAT.

I see that Grace, Kennedy & Co., Ltd. has re-branded their soda line. I can’t say I like the look – and certainly the ‘pineapple drink’ hasn’t the rep of Ting (alas, owned by Pepsi). What this bottle does offer, however, is advice. Under the cap:

Actually, no mikkle sticks round here long enough to mek a mukkle. Be that as it may, GraceCo. gets a lot of things right with this promotion: a page more-or-less correctly describing Jamaican Creole (aka ‘Patois’), and a useful list of irritating, sage expressions- with translations and audio clips!

The Occidental kombucha kraze being safely over, I can now express my (recently-acquired) conviction that you can’t find a better vinegary breakfast cereal. Anyway, I’m obliged to support any beverage you can manufacture in a small closet. And by “you” I mean you, i.e. not me.

Thanks to: Leonard, Ann, Black Cat.

Guangzhou, China – villagers try to stop demolition with Molotov cocktails, broken bottles, and propane tanks.

You might assume that ^this stunning photo was taken after the war – and you’d be right.
It was taken last week.      These, on the other hand…

So much more cheery, no?

A southern tradition! Which doubly appealed today, since bottomless black tea remedied the earlier mistake of expecting this liquid horsefeathers to work, or to even taste decent.

No comment – other than to say I had a difficult time deciding how to crop this photo. And: apologies.

Following a ‘tip’: fool’s errand of the month. Worth a shot, but – no, totally the wrong grandpa. Oh well.
So I payed a visit to the amerikanskie gorki instead.

Overheard on the B-train:

Geeky gamer kid 1: (offers juice)
Geeky gamer kid 2: No thanks – I don’t want anything with water in it.
Geeky gamer kid 1: Everything has water!
Geeky gamer kid 2: Naw. Not true.
Geeky gamer kid 1: What doesn’t have water in it?!
(very short pause)
Geeky gamer kid 2: Beef.

Also overheard on the Ⓑ: